Many of us have this notion that there’s someone out there who would perfectly complete us. You know that idea that they’ll fill the void in your life and all. And then begins the wild goose chase for the perfect love story. Well, I am not trying to burst your bubble or anything but you actually could be at this for rest of your life.

I have learnt a few lessons as time has had its way with my life and have found out a few things about this love “bug”. For one it needs to (like in a software update) be fixed. The reason is simple, many relationships have crashed and many more will because of it. All the tall, handsome, rich, busty, fair skinned… standards are just unrealistic. Honestly, no one is the perfect “physical package” and everyone has a flaw and the sooner we accept that the better. Now, the question will be, what exactly should I look out for in a relationship? Well, I will try to answer that in the next few paragraphs. And note that these are in no particular order and are simply some of the major ones. So here goes nothing….

Look for Real… Half the time people are out there trying to act the part and fit into the equation as it is. While this may sometimes seem like the right thing to do in order to get what you want but it leads down the road to butt licking, hypocrisy, deception and the works. You don’t want to live with all of that I assure you. So, when thinking of finding a partner, look for someone who is honest, first with themselves about who they are and with others. That way you have an idea of exactly what you’re getting into. Trust me people pretend a lot but one tiny secret is to look at the little details. The answers to the random and unexpected questions, the choices when it doesn’t count for much and their perspective to everyday issues. Therein lies the true person. We are too keen on checking out the major stuff but you should remember that major decisions go through loads of planning and you can still be fooled in that process. And please actions and not words should be the basis of your judgement.

Self love… Yeah, you heard that right. It goes without saying that if you don’t love yourself, loving someone else is impossible. Except of course it’s all part of a game to you. If you are going to care for someone else, you have to care for yourself first. You must be able to forgive, be kind to and respect yourself before you can channel all of these towards other people. Love your neighbor as yourself basically means you come first. If they buy everything for you and don’t have anything for themselves, that isn’t love, it’s something really dangerous… obsession. So look out for people who love themselves and will take care of their needs too.

Love for others… How your partner treats other people is just as important as how they treat you. We tend to think that as long as they treat “me” right it’s fine but the truth is someday when they’re going through a hard time or they are tired of that relationship, you will be at the receiving end of that exact treatment. How people treat those they have no attachment to is a pointer to who they really are. If they are kind to those around them, are friendly and open minded about others, then they will most likely make a good partner in a relationship but if they shout down their subordinates and are rude to people, it is just a matter of time before that begins to play out with you too.. It is impossible to know all about people but you definitely can find pointers to many facets of their lives. so be on the look out.

Self Control… Self control is everything. It is important that your partner knows when to stop. Boundaries are important in any kind of relationship and if your partner has no boundaries, you may be in for a hard time. A person that drinks till they’re is drunk, can’t stop talking, can’t control their emotions and the likes will most likely fail in any relationship. We all must have limits and be able to consciously work with them or we will make a wreck of our lives. Take anger for example, when they cannot control themselves when they’re angry, one day they will take it out on you and you will not be able to do anything about. I am sure no one wants to be in the path of a wrecking ball. So look out for self control in those you want to allow to have access to your heart.

Accountability… People without convictions are never a good choice for a relationship. More often than not it points to a lack of direction or purpose. How do you come to trust someone who doesn’t have any rules or principles that they stand by? “Anything goes” is always a ticking bomb and you must watch out for people who live like that. When they do not have any particular convictions, are not under any form form of authority and do not have mentors or leaders, you better steer clear or you will pay the price for their reckless lifestyle. It takes a sense of accountability to be honest, responsible and reliable. It is safe to say no relationship survives with direction.

Like I pointed out earlier, there are certainly other things to look out for but I think these are really important as you begin that quest to find the right person. If you look closely, everything you will find up there cannot be noticed on the first date. You will have to get to know the person to find these out. I do not believe in love at first sight. I am sorry but you can be attracted to someone the first time you meet them but you certainly don’t fall in love with them that easily. You have to at least bond which is the first stage in any relationship. Ever wondered why organizations place new staff on probation? Well, there you have it.

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